Reflecting on Teen Parenting


For the past few months, for some reason or other, I was drawn in the direction of Teen Parenting.  Aside from the programme run by my partner, Dolly Yeo, on parenting in particular on teens, I seem to attract all things relating to teen parenting.

Last week, I was with some friends celebrating a birthday.  The conversation somehow drifted to managing teens and the difficulties that went along with it.

One said, “Teens nowadays would not listen to you.  You tell them one thing and they will do another.  They would listen to friends and others but me.”.  Quite a few agreed.

On the same weekend, I met another ex-colleague and again the conversation was unconsciously steered toward parenting.  You quickly picked up on the self-justification on how different the world is today, parenting is becoming more difficult and there is nothing much you can do about it.  Such is the defeatist attitude. Continue reading

Generation Gap in Parenting?


I was listening to my partner’s – Dolly Yeo – “Stop Parenting, Start Coaching” radio programme last night in which one caller asked about the differences  between parenting in generations before and now.  It is a very valid and interesting question given that we believe it is time to call for a different parenting style.

One of the parenting styles Dolly mentioned is the authoritative style widely practised by older generations.  Some over-compensate by being too permissive.  Playing good-cop-bad-cop gives off  mixed signals that can be very confusing and damaging to a child’s development.

So why does the old parenting style – mainly authoritative – work then but not now?   I agree with Dolly’s views of the different lifestyle people are leading today.   These may just be the symptoms and not the root cause.  Let’s look at some of  these differences. Continue reading

The Second Life


Aging is such a frightening thing for many people.  Rightly so if you do not prepare for it.  This is the period when everything is breaking down, some more quickly than others.  But it is usually the lost of health and loneliness that are the worst to bear.  Save yourself with a new second life.

Worrying and being afraid will not take aging away.  It is a natural process we have to go through.  The best defense is in managing it to the best of our ability by preparing for it.

At the heights of our lives, there are more things that consume our time and energy aptly summed up by this typical “Wheel of Life” chart on the top left.  (Click on the image to enlarge.)

This is very often used by life coaches to help coachees determine the areas of satisfaction and importance to set goals. Continue reading

Cultural Differences in Parenting


Cultural differences have been a talking point as far back as I can remember and why should it be any different in parenting?  Personally I believe the differences are more apparent than the similarities seemly because we, human beings, rather like to differentiate for the sake of an argument.  Without the differences, what is there to talk about?

In reality, regardless of race, religion and nationality we all share the same feelings, wants and needs of being loved and respected.  Any other differences are shaped by societal expectations, behaviours and conditioning.

I was having coffee with a couple of friends a few days ago: Dolly Yeo, my partner at Global Coach Connect and Nadine Auzanneau, French by birth but is more of an international citizen having lived outside of France in several countries for 20 years . Continue reading

Stop Parenting, Start Coaching


I attended the free talk given by my Global Coach Connect partner, Dolly Yeo on “Stop Parenting, Start Coaching”.  I thought it was wonderful and very timely as many parents today are at sea in how to deal with their teens.   In this new digital environment and the wide, seemingly out-of-control exposure we are dealing in, managing our kids calls for a much different parenting skill than those employed by our parents.  The world is different.  I am sure you notice.

The old school of thought in managing children and in particular teens is outdated.  Parenting is tough, parenting teens is even tougher.  Hormonal changes around this period make it more challenging and most parents are at a loss.  It is not aided by the generation gap, especially now that couples are marrying and having children at a later age.  Conflicts begin almost overnight leaving parents to wonder where and what they have done wrong.

One thing they have done right is loving their children; what they have probably done wrong is how to communicate with their children.  There is always a tendency for parents to compare those days when you were teens to what their own teens are today and obviously there is a big divide.

There is this in-built inclination toward telling our children what to do, have and want all in the name of love.  Well and good but teens needed to be heard and respected as adults too because that is where they are heading towards and they need their parents’ understanding and support to become one.  Parents and their teens need to learn how to tango to establish certain level of trust in order for them to grow into responsible, well-adjusted and happy young adults.

Dolly shared her own experience – the pains, anxiety, frustration – in managing her three teenagers; the ups-and-downs she has gone through and how she managed to triumph and conquer the situation.  It was a very inspiring talk.

She told of the hours and courses she spent to learn to become a better parent and primarily to manage first herself as a person – learning to love herself and removing her baggages.  In her journey of self-discovery, she stumbled on coaching and began practising her coaching skills on her children.  It drew fantastic results (not overnight but with lots of patience and perseverance), leading her to understand that it is time to let go and stop parenting.

It was a very lively interactive talk.  Participants were open in sharing their teenagers’ problems and view points.  The one thing that sticks out is that parents tend to insist that the problem lies with their children because they believe they are absolutely right and by refusing to reflect on their contribution to the problem – checkmate, nothing changes and there is no winner in this tuck-of-war.  What is right and wrong is very subjective.  As long as we maintain we are right, we leave nothing for negotiation and it is then impossible to find a solution.

Parents need to stay flexible and the first order of things is to see how we, as parents, can change in order to incite the change we would like to see in our children. Getting parents to change and see things differently and to stop parenting is difficult but until they see that this is where they have to start, we will end up with losers in the battle of wills.  The ending can be disastrous if we are not careful.

If you have “problem” teenagers, you may want to join Dolly’s group parenting sessions to get some insights on how you may want to change in order to save your children’s future.  Their future happiness is dependent on you and your behaviour.  If you love your children and want to do something about it, act now and make the call.  This may be your best investment yet.

To find out more about Dolly and the event, go to: www.mindset-coaching.com .